A Single World

Over the past couple of months, this blog has explored a variety of issues relating to the perceptions of single people, the massive discrimination against singles in terms of financial breaks for married people, growing divorce rates as young adults charge head-first into committed relationships, and finally, the pressures to find committed romantic relationships throughout one’s college career. Throughout each of these blog posts, the emphasis has been placed on these issues as they pertain to the United States. However, the United States is certainly not the only nation to which these issues are relevant; many other nations around the globe face very similar issues, but interestingly have entirely different consequences.

Japanese Flag- Flickr

Of particular interest are a couple of nations in Asia, specifically Japan. In many nations of Asia, marriage has been a long-withstanding tradition that is expected of almost all youth, to an extent much greater than the United States, or other countries around the world. The Huffington Post and The Global Times describe in detail some of the harsh standards young students of Asian parents face to get married and starting a family early in life. However, this trend is on the decline in Asia just as it is anywhere else on the map, and can be seen quite easily when analyzing marriage rates in each country. For instance, in Japan the proportion of women in the population who have never been married by the age of 34 has raised from 7.2% in 1970 to a staggering 34.5% in 2010. The difference for men is even more pronounced, from 11.7% in 1970 to 47.3% in 2010. Even for individuals above the age of 50, a relatively high proportion of individuals have never been married (10.6% of women and 20.1% of men).

One of the reasons for such high proportions of never-married individuals may be much higher standards for committing to marriages. While 53% of married couples of the United States file for divorce, in Japan only 20%-30% of married couples file for divorce, with similar statistics in other asian countries. The implications of these statistics are not necessarily that people are better at making commitments, but that even more people are not bothering to try.

The high proportions of never-married individuals may be attributed to changing attitudes regarding women in Asian societies. According to The Economist, more and more women are rejecting the social norms of marriage in favor of a single lifestyle to put forward alternative, more progressive priorities. As more women pursue careers, juggling a full-time job, as well as being expected to care for a family can be extremely demanding. The Economist article goes on to generalize that a Japanese women with a full-time job can spend an additional 30 hours a week dedicated to housework. These intense (and perhaps unfair) time commitments involved in marriage may significantly contribute to Japanese women having some of the most pessimistic attitudes regarding marriage in the world. Plus, now that more women are well-educated and financially independent, more are able to pursue an alternative lifestyle that does not involve a traditional marriage.

While the falls in marriage rates in Japan might be interpreted as a positive effect of increased freedom and liberties for women, it has negative consequences as well, contributing to a dramatic fall in birth-rates in Japan. According to The Washington Post, the rate of Japan’s population rate of increase has been decreasing since 1950, but just this year Japan’s actual population has declined. The population of Japan was 128 million in 2010, and is 127 million now. And this population is expected to continue to decline for time to come.

The proportions of single people have been on the rise not only in the United States, but nearly every nation on the globe. The falling marriage rates are the results of different factors in different countries, and have different effects as well. In the case of Japan, should the dramatically lowered marriage rates be celebrated for the independence of women compared to old traditions, or feared for not being able to sustain the Japanese population?

College Dating

Through the course of this blog, we have discussed at great length many of the reasons as to why so many people feel pressured to quickly enter into a long-term relationship, as well as a few of the adverse effects this scurry can create. I believe that there is no environment where this holds true more strongly than it does on a college campus.

The Pennsylvania State University- Wikimedia

College is an extremely exciting time of all of our lives as it is the very first time that most of us enter the real world and is characterized by trying all sorts of new songs that help to advance our personal development, and discover who we are. College is when we all really buckle down and get ourselves ready for our lives after education, not only professionally, but emotionally as well. While studying and getting great grades is the clear path towards professional development, there is much speculation as to how college should be spent socially.

Many students believe that one of the most important things to do during their time at their four-year university is to find a long-term romantic relationship, and there is indeed much pressure for students to find a romantic partner. According to a survey conducted by the Independent Women’s Forum, 63 percent of college women hope to meet their spouse during their time in college. Considering that college only lasts for four years, finding a partner for the rest of your life can be quite a task. Four years does not leave the typical person with nearly enough time to explore all of his/her different options and to find the one special someone that we might dream of. In fact, the Atlantic calculated that the average age of marriage in the United States is 27 for women and 29 for men. Considering that the typical student graduates college when they are only 22, most people still spend 5-7 years single after receiving their college degree. Of course this is not true for all people and an estimated 28 percent of people really do marry their college sweetheart according to Business Insider. But the 28 percent of people marrying people they meet in college is a drastically different statistic from the 63 percent who hoped to find their partner in college.

Many college student’s believe that since college is indeed the time for trying new things, one of which being a part of a committed relationship. Caie Kelly provides an insightful article on The Harvard Crimson arguing that some of "the most valuable experiences at [college] often take place not in the classrooms learning from venerated professors but from time spent with peers” and that one of the most valuable college experiences is to have a relationship of deep emotional support and experience. While this may be true, I don’t believe that students should be stressed to force a relationship.

Pattee Library- Wikimedia

It has been shown that on average students who are consistently dating new people throughout the course of their four years at college have GPAs a quarter of a point lower than their consistently single counterparts in a study conducted at the Brigham Young University. It makes intuitive sense that when someone spends so much time with a significant other, his/her time available to study would decrease. But besides just lowering time spent on working towards high GPAs, dating may take away time from other very important college experiences as well. Many people argue that being in a long-term relationship in college limits the amount of opportunities one has to meet other people and expand their social circles. Perhaps spending so much time on one person takes away valuable time from joining more extracurricular activities, making more unique connections, and just exploring what college has to offer.

I am by no means arguing that no students in college should date, or even that certain other activities are more valuable than finding a romantic partner. Many people find wonderful long-term relationships during their college career and could not be any happier. However, I am arguing that many people place too much of an emphasis on finding someone so early in their life when they still have so much time after college. Dating in college is a trade off, and while much experience can be taken can be taken away from dating, a lot of valuable experience can be taken away from other areas of the college experience. Perhaps people should spend as much time in college finding themselves before they try to find someone else.

Making a "Lifelong Commitment"

In last week's blog post, we explored some of the countless ways in which a married couple receives economic relief for being in a committed relationship. By some estimates an individual single for life can spend an extra million dollars on taxes and other expenses just for not being married. It then seems quite reasonable that most people in the United States are quite inclined to say "I do". If being in a long-term loving relationship is not motivation enough, there's certainly quite the financial benefit. In fact, in a survey conducted by The Pew Research Center, when married couples were asked what the most important reasons for their union were at their time of marriage, thirty-one percent listed financial stability.

The Pew Research Center

Granted, financial stability seems to be the lowest priority, but for thirty-one percent of couples to list it as a primary reason to marry seems pretty substantial. According to The Los Angeles Times, more than four out of every ten americans report struggling to pay their bills. With so many individuals with real financial concerns, the added break of getting married can be quite alluring. However, considering that marriage has always been highly valued as a lifelong commitment to a loving partner, might it seem a bit counterintuitive for some marriages to be based off of financial stability rather than relationship stability? With such enticing rewards following marriage, might a couple be a bit eager to enter a long-term relationship that they may or may not actually be ready for?

According to Business Insider, the United States has one of the highest divorce rates in the entire world at fifty-two percent. This means that every marriage in the United States, statistically speaking, has a fifty-two percent likelihood to fail. This is ironic considering that according to the Pew Research Center study mentioned earlier, eighty-seven percent of married couples reported "making a lifelong commitment" to be one of their primary reasons for their marriage union, a percentage clearly much larger than the mere forty-eight percent that actually treat their marriage as a lifetime commitment. Now obviously this huge discrepancy can not be attributed entirely to rushing into marriage for financial reasons, but considering so many couples listed this as a primary reason to marry, it is most likely at least partially accountable.

There are many different reasons as to why divorces should be avoided. Of course, marriage as has been said a number of times already, marriage is a lifelong commitment. In all weddings, both members of the union vow to "in sickness and in heath, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto [one another] for as long as you [they] shall live". This line is pretty unambiguous in regards to the intense commitment that brides and grooms are supposedly prepared to make. So simply on principle the divorce rate representing that more than one half of all marriages ending in divorce is quite pitiful. Our modern standards have marriage have deep roots in religion where ending of such a sacred union is heavily frowned upon, and in some cases (such as in the Catholic Church) completely prohibited.

But divorces can be much more serious than just broken commitments. For obvious reasons, divorces bring about a huge load of stress upon those getting divorced and their families. Holmes and Rahe created a stress index where various major life-changing events were compared in terms of their stress effects as reported by a general consensus of the population. The exact comparisons can be found on MindTools, but divorce is listed as the second most stressful life event, second only to the death of a significant other. Such stress can have a profoundly negative affect on a person's health. Even worse are they effects of divorces on children. The Week lists a staggering number of serious negative affects on a child's health including a higher risk for dropping out of school and a higher propensity for crime.

It is clear that the negative affects of divorce should be avoided at all costs. With a divorce rate of fifty-two percent, perhaps our society should change the way that we think about marriage. In a world where the importance of finding life partners are pressed at very young ages, harsh stigmas and stereotypes exist for single people, and outstanding financial benefits are provided for married couples, it should come as no surprise that so many couples rush into marriage before they are ready. Unless we change the way we treat marriage as well as single people, high divorce rates are here to stay.

The Price of Being Single

Today, single households are more common than ever before. By some estimates single people make up more than fifty percent of the United States Population. Even with such a large amount of people without a partner, our society still greatly prefers married couples to an individual. This is not only evident in people's every day attitudes. The laws of the United States as well as policies of individual private corporations clearly illustrate a preference towards married couples.

Wikimedia

There are countless ways that single people are at a disadvantage financially. Single people pay significantly more money on taxes, medical care premiums, insurance premiums, and more. The Atlantic did a research study and found that a single woman earning a salary of $80,000 is likely to spend over $1 million more in her lifetime than a married woman earning the exact same salary. One million dollars is quite the price to pay for not settling down with a partner.

Flickr

This huge figure comes from a variety of different sources. First, a single person pays significantly higher taxes than his/her married counterpart. HR Block has identified ten ways a taxpayer is affected by getting married. Tax brackets (percent income taxed determined by annual salary) are different for single people and married people. So once a person gets married they run the possibility of moving into a lower tax bracket, while making the exact same amount of money. So the percentage of income taken away as taxes is not only determined by how much money one makes (which might make the most intuitive sense) but also one's marital status. Married individuals are also permitted to make two personal tax exemptions, as compared to a single person's one. A married couple thus can file four times more money's worth in tax exemptions than one individual. On top of that, married couples are permitted to give monetary "gifts" tax-free with no limit.

But it doesn't stop with taxes. Single people also miss out on a ton of monetary benefits from social security. A married person not only receives their own social security benefits, but also at least 50% of their spouse's (100% if the spouse's social security benefits exceed their own) benefits as well. And the spouse still gets 100% of their social own social security benefits. So a retired couple will receive far much more money from social security than any individual. Also, when a married person dies, all of their social security benefits are received by that person's family. However, when a single person dies, all of the social security benefits simply disappear. This is worth emphasizing as it is clear that a single person would have another family member in mind (i.e. brother, sister, nieces, nephews, etc...) that could use their social security benefits, but the state does not allow this. The craziest part is that a person does not even need to be currently married to receive extra benefits, but only needs to have been married for longer than ten years.

Flickr

Of course the list does not stop there. Single people have less benefits for IRAs, pay much more for health insurance, other insurances (as insurance companies often give out hefty family discounts), and housing. The exact numbers of these other expenses are outlined very nicely on Psychology Today. So once we add up all of these different cases where singles pay so much more than their equivalent married counterparts, it is easy to see how singles may be out of over a million dollars in their lifetime (as was predicted by The Atlantic). But should simply saying "I do" amount to a million dollars in savings?

Single people are very likely to be financially stressed. US News shows that singles have the lowest income and asset levels, and the lowest homeowner rates of any other household structure. They also found that only 17% were on track to reach their retirement goals. If single people are already very stressed in regards to their financial situation, why should they be "penalized" for not having a life partner? The tax disparities between single and married people are far too great, and are not justified just for saying "I do".

Happily Ever After After All

Marriage is no new concept, but has been held as a much celebrated tradition for countless centuries. Indeed, it may seem like marriage has always been one of society's highest held ideals. And this ideal certainly continues to prevail today. The importance of finding a life-partner is instilled in us at an extremely young age. Just think about nearly every single Disney movie that has ever been produced. Most all of Disney's endings are fairly predictable as they all end the same: the male and female protagonist fall in love and live happily ever after. Even in Wall-E, a movie about a robot that cleans trash on the rotting remains of planet Earth, Wall-E manages to find himself a partner.

Flickr

In addition to being fed the idea that everyone should find a partner by movies, love songs, and a variety of other medias, children also learn to fear being single in their circles. Think about how many times in elementary school children discussed the fear of "dying alone", or made fun of the generic "cat-lady" who lives alone with no one but ten cats to keep her company. All of the media and talk even pushes some children to rush into dating as early as the fifth grade. Both the ideas that marriage is a vital component to a happy life and that married people are the overwhelming majority of the population are drilled into a child's head early in life, and these beliefs tend to carry throughout life.

But what if neither of these idea's are actually true? The number of single people has been steadily on the rise for years, and now actually makes up slightly over 50% of the United States Population, as can be seen in the data collected by The Pew Research Center. It is also interesting to note that an astounding 30% of the population has never been married. Equating to almost one out of three people, it becomes clear that single people are not such a minority after all, but on the contrary, are actually quite common.

It is also a misconception that single people are doomed to a life of unhappiness. While marriage is of course a wonderful thing for a couple that has found love, and does indeed lead to much happiness, the absence of such a marriage may not necessarily mean that a person cannot pursue happiness in other areas (such as a career, social work, primarily family, etc...). While many studies have proven that married individuals are happier than singles at large, it is interesting to investigate how this may not be the case for every individual. Psychology Today did a study and found that people with high avoidance goals (desires to avoid conflict at all costs) were equally happy in a relationship or single as they do not respond well to the inevitable conflict paired with relationships. But even with such a high percentage of unmarried people, and the possibility of living an equally happy life as a single, single people face quite a bit of judgement and stigmatization for their marriage status.

Singles are negatively stereotyped and may face a large amount of judgement for their marriage status. Researchers found that women who have never married reported feeling "exposed" in regards to their status, and felt strong pressure to conform to the norm and find a partner (Live Science). When asked about marital status or plans, a single person might feel cornered and begin to believe that there is an inherent problem with his/herself that is preventing them from entering a long-term relationship. There are many stereotypes of single people including that they are undesirable, needy, desperate, and issue-ridden, when really he/she may just not be prepared for, or desire a long-term relationship. Dr. DePaulo has coined a popular term, "Singlism" to describe this sort of stereotyping. This sort of negativity can have a profound effect on a single individual.

Marriage is of course a wonderful, and beautiful thing. However it should not be displayed as the only option; marriage does not always make sense for everyone. Instead, some people can be just as happy independently. While there is still much stereotyping that occurs against single people, it is actually quite common. For many, being single just makes more sense.