College Dating

Through the course of this blog, we have discussed at great length many of the reasons as to why so many people feel pressured to quickly enter into a long-term relationship, as well as a few of the adverse effects this scurry can create. I believe that there is no environment where this holds true more strongly than it does on a college campus.

The Pennsylvania State University- Wikimedia

College is an extremely exciting time of all of our lives as it is the very first time that most of us enter the real world and is characterized by trying all sorts of new songs that help to advance our personal development, and discover who we are. College is when we all really buckle down and get ourselves ready for our lives after education, not only professionally, but emotionally as well. While studying and getting great grades is the clear path towards professional development, there is much speculation as to how college should be spent socially.

Many students believe that one of the most important things to do during their time at their four-year university is to find a long-term romantic relationship, and there is indeed much pressure for students to find a romantic partner. According to a survey conducted by the Independent Women’s Forum, 63 percent of college women hope to meet their spouse during their time in college. Considering that college only lasts for four years, finding a partner for the rest of your life can be quite a task. Four years does not leave the typical person with nearly enough time to explore all of his/her different options and to find the one special someone that we might dream of. In fact, the Atlantic calculated that the average age of marriage in the United States is 27 for women and 29 for men. Considering that the typical student graduates college when they are only 22, most people still spend 5-7 years single after receiving their college degree. Of course this is not true for all people and an estimated 28 percent of people really do marry their college sweetheart according to Business Insider. But the 28 percent of people marrying people they meet in college is a drastically different statistic from the 63 percent who hoped to find their partner in college.

Many college student’s believe that since college is indeed the time for trying new things, one of which being a part of a committed relationship. Caie Kelly provides an insightful article on The Harvard Crimson arguing that some of "the most valuable experiences at [college] often take place not in the classrooms learning from venerated professors but from time spent with peers” and that one of the most valuable college experiences is to have a relationship of deep emotional support and experience. While this may be true, I don’t believe that students should be stressed to force a relationship.

Pattee Library- Wikimedia

It has been shown that on average students who are consistently dating new people throughout the course of their four years at college have GPAs a quarter of a point lower than their consistently single counterparts in a study conducted at the Brigham Young University. It makes intuitive sense that when someone spends so much time with a significant other, his/her time available to study would decrease. But besides just lowering time spent on working towards high GPAs, dating may take away time from other very important college experiences as well. Many people argue that being in a long-term relationship in college limits the amount of opportunities one has to meet other people and expand their social circles. Perhaps spending so much time on one person takes away valuable time from joining more extracurricular activities, making more unique connections, and just exploring what college has to offer.

I am by no means arguing that no students in college should date, or even that certain other activities are more valuable than finding a romantic partner. Many people find wonderful long-term relationships during their college career and could not be any happier. However, I am arguing that many people place too much of an emphasis on finding someone so early in their life when they still have so much time after college. Dating in college is a trade off, and while much experience can be taken can be taken away from dating, a lot of valuable experience can be taken away from other areas of the college experience. Perhaps people should spend as much time in college finding themselves before they try to find someone else.

Making a "Lifelong Commitment"

In last week's blog post, we explored some of the countless ways in which a married couple receives economic relief for being in a committed relationship. By some estimates an individual single for life can spend an extra million dollars on taxes and other expenses just for not being married. It then seems quite reasonable that most people in the United States are quite inclined to say "I do". If being in a long-term loving relationship is not motivation enough, there's certainly quite the financial benefit. In fact, in a survey conducted by The Pew Research Center, when married couples were asked what the most important reasons for their union were at their time of marriage, thirty-one percent listed financial stability.

The Pew Research Center

Granted, financial stability seems to be the lowest priority, but for thirty-one percent of couples to list it as a primary reason to marry seems pretty substantial. According to The Los Angeles Times, more than four out of every ten americans report struggling to pay their bills. With so many individuals with real financial concerns, the added break of getting married can be quite alluring. However, considering that marriage has always been highly valued as a lifelong commitment to a loving partner, might it seem a bit counterintuitive for some marriages to be based off of financial stability rather than relationship stability? With such enticing rewards following marriage, might a couple be a bit eager to enter a long-term relationship that they may or may not actually be ready for?

According to Business Insider, the United States has one of the highest divorce rates in the entire world at fifty-two percent. This means that every marriage in the United States, statistically speaking, has a fifty-two percent likelihood to fail. This is ironic considering that according to the Pew Research Center study mentioned earlier, eighty-seven percent of married couples reported "making a lifelong commitment" to be one of their primary reasons for their marriage union, a percentage clearly much larger than the mere forty-eight percent that actually treat their marriage as a lifetime commitment. Now obviously this huge discrepancy can not be attributed entirely to rushing into marriage for financial reasons, but considering so many couples listed this as a primary reason to marry, it is most likely at least partially accountable.

There are many different reasons as to why divorces should be avoided. Of course, marriage as has been said a number of times already, marriage is a lifelong commitment. In all weddings, both members of the union vow to "in sickness and in heath, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto [one another] for as long as you [they] shall live". This line is pretty unambiguous in regards to the intense commitment that brides and grooms are supposedly prepared to make. So simply on principle the divorce rate representing that more than one half of all marriages ending in divorce is quite pitiful. Our modern standards have marriage have deep roots in religion where ending of such a sacred union is heavily frowned upon, and in some cases (such as in the Catholic Church) completely prohibited.

But divorces can be much more serious than just broken commitments. For obvious reasons, divorces bring about a huge load of stress upon those getting divorced and their families. Holmes and Rahe created a stress index where various major life-changing events were compared in terms of their stress effects as reported by a general consensus of the population. The exact comparisons can be found on MindTools, but divorce is listed as the second most stressful life event, second only to the death of a significant other. Such stress can have a profoundly negative affect on a person's health. Even worse are they effects of divorces on children. The Week lists a staggering number of serious negative affects on a child's health including a higher risk for dropping out of school and a higher propensity for crime.

It is clear that the negative affects of divorce should be avoided at all costs. With a divorce rate of fifty-two percent, perhaps our society should change the way that we think about marriage. In a world where the importance of finding life partners are pressed at very young ages, harsh stigmas and stereotypes exist for single people, and outstanding financial benefits are provided for married couples, it should come as no surprise that so many couples rush into marriage before they are ready. Unless we change the way we treat marriage as well as single people, high divorce rates are here to stay.